Sunday, October 22, 2006

i wish i could mend
every word i've said
so i'll blow you a kiss
and break this sweet bliss
i'm not made for together
not made for forever
take my apologies
this pattern of three's
has ended so carefully
look at what was made for you to see
don't close your eyes
don't turn away
the sun still shines
and love still binds
look at me and see
this heart that has to flee
don't get tangled in your heart
don't let it tear you apart
she's out there somewhere
whispering a hopeful prayer
that someday she'll find you
then both your dreams come true
don't doubt that i love you
don't doubt my love was true
i'm not who i was
thats what time does
i'm done pretending
not done mending

i've been trying for an hour
to find some hidden power
to reverse my constant fears
i'm surrounded only by mirrors
with no one staring back at me
looking into your eyes
is the only time i see
whoever i could truely be
i'll find you in the darkest night
just to try and make this right

i've still given up hope on you
i've still given up so much for you
you make me trust
with kind words of friendship
you break my heart
will it ever be different?
or will i always run back to you
all i ask
is for a moments kiss
just look into my eyes
and hold me tight
for tomorrow...
i may disappear
don't break my heart again
just hold me

Posted at 12:05 am by VampiresEnemy
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Friday, January 20, 2006

no where to go in this town of deception
there's the school where it first began
the ski jump where i spent lonely hours
piers gorge where i walked alone
the streets i drove in my car
the parks i used to swing at, alone
the ice skating renk where i started at the stars
hoping and dreaming
yet nothing came true
full of shattered dreams
my broken heart
this town holds nothing
except deception
and lost dreams
my lost heart
my hoplessness
which has all consumed my thoughts
my perception
thats all life is
a perception
the deceit that started here
has ruined all hope i have
forever alone
forever sad
and forever dead
this town holds nothing for me
only tears and sorrows
and many scars to show it
this town of deception
has ruined my perception

Posted at 11:52 pm by VampiresEnemy
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Monday, December 05, 2005
shutting the door

its been five years
and i'm walking away
forgive me
i'll never forget
i'll not stop crying for you
i'll never forget you
i died last nigh
its time to live
five years is a long tim
to live in death
forgive me
its time i leave
i'm shutting the door
i'll be back
but never again
for five years

Posted at 01:39 am by VampiresEnemy
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yesterday was a day to remember
it had been seven months
i had forgotten the clarity it brough
i couldn't stop once i started
then i got up and continued with life
i never meant to hurt anyon
i didn't realize it'd crush anyon
i have a problem
and i realize that
it doesn't feel like a problem
its my solution
my only solution
the only one i've found
it broke my heart
the one thing that save my mind
kills all of you
i'm remembering why i stopped
yet remembering why i started
the sense of calmness it brought
was unlike any other.
my sweet release
will be lost forever
i'm scared without it
i'm scared what will happen
if never again
i didn't cry
didn't shed one tear
i never meant to bring this pain
upon anyone else
iwas only trying to help
forgive me for my desperation
my depersation to live
my deperation to feel
i'll find other ways

Posted at 01:36 am by VampiresEnemy
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Saturday, December 03, 2005
staying alive

this is the worst day of my life
i want no one else to be a part of it
no one else to see this pain i carry
i question why
yet i know
and wish i could do the same
but i sit here broken-hearted and dead
and would wish this on no other
so i smoke, i cut, i drink, and i puke
to stay alive
i refuse to be that person
who ruins another's life
so i slowly kill mysel
to stay alive yet another day

Posted at 01:29 am by VampiresEnemy
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five years

Its been five years exactly
since you broke my heart
its been five years
since you took my soul
its been five years
that i've wanted to die
flashbacks and memories
i once showed you
where your heart was
i showed you where to point
when you pulled that trigger
its been five years
i've died a little every day
its been five years
that i've wept for you
its been five years
since i first hoped it wasn't tru
its been five years
that i've wished for the imposible
its been five years
since i saw you dead in that coffin
its been five years
since i wept with my brother
its been five years
since i first doubted god
its been five years
since i die
its been five years
that i cried out your name in anger
five years and i still die
five years and i sitll cry
five years and i sitll hope
five years and i'm sitll furious
five years and i still see you
five fucking years
and yet all my tears are for you
you shattered my worl
five years ago
i'm still broken
i've given up on the hope
that i'll be fixed
that i'll be okay
its been five years exactly
since you broke my heart
its been five years
since you took my soul
its been five years
isn't that long enough to live with this pain?
its been five years
can't i die yet?
....its been five years

Posted at 01:26 am by VampiresEnemy
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Friday, December 02, 2005
at work

Running wiht my head held high
screaming with a voice so cold
wishing for my heart to die
waiting for my soul to arrive

Posted at 01:20 am by VampiresEnemy
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
my uncle, and my brother, and my friend

You're the only boy
i'll never get over
you broke my heart
myu uncle, my brother, my friend
come home tonigh
or the day after tomorrow
talk with me in my dreams
come down and let me feel your presence
i get lost in the anguish you left behind
but now all i see is your smile
you're happy now
and so am i
we both found waht we were searching for
i just wish we could've done that together
i'l think of our memories
and never forget you
visit me while i sleep
i dream of seeing you again
so much of you
was left here with me
i'll clutch every memory i have
i hold every second i recall of you
in my broken heart
i freed myslef
from the cages of despair
your actions put me in
but do not cry
don't shed one tear
i'll forever remember you
i''ll continue to miss you
i'll always love you
my uncle, my brother, my friend.

Posted at 01:56 am by VampiresEnemy
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Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm surrounded by books
surrounded by voices
surrounded by coffee
sitting at
this orange table
i'm shaking insanely
not a moments res
i'm watching you quietly
with my never sitll eyes
i'm counting the tiles
in the ceiling
i'm staring at the lights
and their perfect order
i'm staring at the crooked sign
and the girl with no feeling
there are people around
people talking
i have friends at every corner
always a conversation at hand
i'm sitting in this black chair
just watchin
and listening
to life hpapen
everywehre around me
can i be seen
am i invisible?

Posted at 01:51 am by VampiresEnemy
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Sitting on this silence
with everything apart
walking down this road of resentmen
without a method to my step
dancing on this desire
with no confidence at hand
i stand and think
i sit and think
i drive and think
with no soluations
getting no further
i'm moving constantly
to no where
i'm moving constantly
without a desination
should i have one?
or is my lack of a purpose
a purpose in itself

Posted at 01:45 am by VampiresEnemy
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Purpose of this webpage: to keep all my writings in a somewhat organized manner

i write what i feel. i'm real, i hate to be fake. read if u want, i won't be offended if u don't. i rarely actually write about me..just type up my poetry and post that. i'm a confused little girl who doesn't really know who she is. but really, who honestly knows themselves. not many. and those who say they do, are usually the ones who are far from it.


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